


Who am I Now?

by KnitHatRin



Category: Gay - Fandom, LGBT - Fandom
Genre: Christianity, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Gay, Hell, Help, Questions, kiss, lonely, panicked gay, sin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 06:10:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15357969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnitHatRin/pseuds/KnitHatRin
Summary: First kisses are always explained to be something awkward, embarrassing, something to forget about, something to base the bad off of. Not something that awakens a part of yourself you never knew was there, a spark that was forbidden. The flame a taste of what will greet you in hell. I am supposed to regret it, i’m supposed to ask for forgiveness. I can do the latter. I know what i did was wrong. But somehow i can’t bring myself to regret it.





	Who am I Now?

First kisses are always explained to be something awkward, embarrassing, something to forget about, something to base the bad off of. Not something that awakens a part of yourself you never knew was there, a spark that was forbidden. The flame a taste of what will greet you in hell. I am supposed to regret it, i’m supposed to ask for forgiveness. I can do the latter. I know what i did was wrong. But somehow i can’t bring myself to regret it. Not at all. All i feel is the want of more. My muscles are burning from being so tense. A taste of the pain i will make others feel if i tell even one soul about it. I kissed a girl. I kissed my friend. And I liked it. No, I LOVED it. And now I am going to hell because I can’t feel even an ounce of remorse for it. The same is with masturbating. I know it is wrong but no matter how hard I try, I can’t feel guilty for doing it. Is this what murderers feel like? I feel like committing murder would get me in less trouble with my parents than telling them I like girls. That i am gay. That I am unfit to be what i was my whole life: Christian. How will i survive this? I feel like not even God can help me because he cannot look upon sin. And gosh, how I have sinned. I do not know who I am anymore, WHAT I am anymore. I am an abomination. A failure. Unfit in any sense of myself and my world. I am in trouble. If anyone finds out, I will be disowned, stoned probably, unable to call myself anyone’s family. I would never be allowed in church again. I feel like I have failed everyone. I feel like this is the only place I can go without letting anyone down. I am sorry. I am sorry I don’t feel sorry. Please forgive me for liking what I did. I am supposed to hate the sin and instead I only hate myself. I’m sorry.


End file.
